Why you keep attracting losers

I know you keep asking yourself, "Why do I keep attracting losers?" I often hear women say all men are no good, they all have issues, they all cheat, etc. But from personal experience, I can assure you this isn't the case. I will admit at one point in my life I was a serial dater. I wanted to live my 20's to the fullest. I took every experience for what it was, I enjoyed the outings, vacations, the great people I met, and the many hilarious dating stories I collected to share with my friends. By dating and meeting different types of people and taking the time to get to know myself, I have a good handle on what will and what will not work for me.

The reason you keep attracting losers is you. It's not everyone else. You have to set boundaries on what you will and will not accept. You have to take your time to get to know people before allowing them to be a part of your everyday life and giving them a long term place in your future. Don't let your biological clock possibly running out set you up for a lifetime of unhappiness. Take your time with the people you meet and learn whether you can trust them or not.

I have found for me it generally takes around six weeks before I get to know someone well enough to decide if they are worth keeping around or not. I know some who say 90 days but I am a little quicker at making up my mind. In six weeks, you should be able to gauge a person's habits, interests, how they engage with their families and their work ethic. Pay close attention and do not brush any warning signs off. This period of time is very short in comparison to what you could end up dealing with if you make the wrong decision and decide to enter into a relationship with this person.

I am not married but I have not met any losers in the last ten years or so. I have to admit, you're going to do a lot of things in your early 20's because you just don't have the experience to know any better. What I consider a "loser" is someone who is consistently unemployed, a moocher, on drugs, a cheater, an abuser, and just a plain old disrespectful jerk.

Here are some of my deal breakers and please feel free to comment if you disagree with any of them.

1. Unemployed/Not Working. Yes, I know the job market is tough right now but he should be doing SOMETHING. If he's not at a 9 to 5 because he was laid off, looking for a job should be his full-time job. If he can't find a full-time job he should be freelancing, starting his own business, attending school to learn something new. Depending on your location in the country this can be hard and I understand but I will say that if a man doesn't have any income, he shouldn't be pursuing a mate. Being able to provide for himself should be his top priority. This is a deal breaker.

2. Not taking care of his kids. Guess what, if they came from him and he's not interested in them or spending time with them, he's not going to take good care of you. He will definitely not take care of your kids if you decide to procreate. You are not special. A real man will be a father, despite any issues he may have with his ex.

3. He doesn't like his mother. If a man doesn't love his mother this is a huge red flag. Unless he has been to counseling and therapy for years, you are going to have a serious problem with him.

4. He's still married. Yes, I had to list this although it should be very obvious. I don't care if he is separated or has been separated for ten years. If you meet a man and he says he is separated....run! Do not become his friend, do not go out to dinner with him, nothing. Keep that spot open for a single man. There are plenty out there. He needs to take care of that situation first and get divorced before he starts something with you.

5. He is constantly lying. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If he continues to lie, even if it's about little things...let it go.

6. A bad temper. If within the first six weeks you have any type of screaming match, please let it go. The first six months should be so happy with hiccups that you should be wondering where he's been all your life, not a headache.

You need to walk away from all of these things. You don't give him a second chance, you don't work on him with it, you run. Life is short and if you are looking for a long-term mate for a healthy relationship, don't waste your time on men with these issues. Don't take on additional responsibilities when there are PLENTY of men out there who do not have these issues.

Next up...how to identify your issues, not theirs!

Loneliness and Happiness

You are the only person responsible for your happiness, no one else. Once you learn how to be happy by yourself you will attract someone that will compliment you, not complete you.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is a little more complicated. If you don't have enough friends with similar interests for men to date, these are some questions you should ask yourself:

1) Do the activities I engage in promote meeting someone of similar interest? I have spoken with several women who engage in activities that are not conducive to meeting a mate but who claim to be lonely and wanting a long-term relationship. If you are deceiving those around you, not being honest with yourself, and not behaving as if you want a monogamous, committed relationship it's not going to happen! Stop being an attention whore and seeking constant affirmations. Love yourself, decide what it is that you want, and stop participating in the activities and associating with the people that won't get you there.

2)Would I want to be with someone like me? If you are constantly nagging, complaining, whining, cursing people out, throwing temper tantrums, who wants you? Acting like a lady goes a long way.

3) Am I selfless or selfish? I know I have said this before but being selfless is what keeps relationships together and is what will make you and a future partner happy. Instead of saying I want I want I want, trying asking what you have to offer to enhance another's life. I am not saying be a doormat but do realize it's not all about you all the time.


This is off topic but I want to add if you are dating someone....let him watch the game! Stop calling and demanding time while he's watching sports. I asked a few guys this week about women calling during sports. I love football and basketball during the playoffs. I don't want to talk on the phone or text while I am watching. I answer the phone or text someone back saying I am watching the game and they continue to conversation. I am watching the game means I will talk to you later...good bye! He will love you for it...I promise.